You Don't Understand
by Bixata
Summary: Sometimes he really hated scientists. Jack and Daniel pay severe consequences for Carter's science and pride.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This may not be for Sam fans, but I noticed in the first couple seasons that Sam tends to be a little arrogant about scientific matters when she feels someone is making a mistake. Most of the time it's innocent because she really doesn't want something bad to happen, and I have great respect for both her brillliant ideas and her character, but I was just wondering what might happen if it turned out she was wrong. This is what I came up with. -Bixata

* * *

_With all due respect, Sir, I don't think you understand._

He had listened. She had said a bunch of fancy words that he didn't understand, the determination and passion in her eyes telling him that she was sure she knew what she was talking about. And even though his gut was telling him this was a mistake, he had faith in his team and was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, considering her exemplary track record.

On the other hand, Daniel had agreed with his initial instinct as well, and put forth just as good an argument as Carter. Teal'c had remained quiet, obviously not having an opinion one way or the other, and not wanting to provide faulty information with which his commanding officer would make the final decision. So that left Jack and Daniel quickly going over the pros and cons of the plans while Carter vehemently told him that they didn't know what they were talking about and this kind of thing was her specialty so just trust her.

And so he did.

And he had just spent the last three days in a coma, with Daniel in the neighboring bed awakening only hours before him. Both men were being treated for third degree burns on their arms, chests and faces. He had two cracked and two broken ribs, and had punctured a lung. Daniel had three cracked ribs and a badly bruised clavicle. Both men had bandages over their eyes and it would be a few more days before they could be removed to see if the explosion had left either of them permanently blind. They were both on respirators because they had inhaled so much hot smoke that they had burned their throats and lungs, his condition worsened by the lung puncture.

Carter didn't have a scratch on her. Teal'c had minor burns on his hands from hauling him and Daniel away from the fire, but his symbiote had already taken care of most of the damage.

As he felt the pain coming back he began to whimper in the back of his throat. Because of the burns on his hands he couldn't control his own self medication, because of the respirator he couldn't tell anyone he was in pain, and because of the bandages over his face they couldn't see it in his expression.

Fraiser had been fussing over him from the minute he regained consciousness, flitting between his and Daniel's bedsides, monitoring and doing whatever it is doctors do to reassure their patients that they aren't going to die and the pain will go away. In his case, she told him that Carter and Teal'c were fine and that Daniel was alive, but from the tone of her voice and his memory of what had happened, he knew that Daniel was probably suffering from similar injuries to his own. When he had struggled to tear the bandages off his face with his bandaged hands she had been forced to grab him by the arms, an excruciatingly painful experience, as she ordered him to calm down, repeating that Daniel would be fine and she was taking care of him.

And so he lay there in the recovery room of the infirmary with his best friend, the two men isolated from the rest of the base to decrease the risk of infection. He had no way to communicate and the only reassurance he had that Daniel was indeed there was the strained and raspy breathing through the respirator.

Less than an hour after he awoke from the coma he had been informed of both his own and Daniel's injuries and was quickly succumbing to the pull of sleep again. He didn't care what had happened on the planet, whether Carter's plan had worked or not. He would worry about that later. For now, all he needed to know was that his team was alive. Sure, he and Daniel may never be the same again, but they were both alive with full cognition, and that was all that mattered. He didn't blame Carter for what happened, it could have happened anyway whether they had agreed to her plan or not. He was in command, he had made the decision, it was his responsibility. He was the only one to blame.

But there was a part of him, a part he often tried to hide from his friends, that didn't care whether Carter blamed herself or not. It wasn't his problem, she could work it out on her own while he and Daniel recuperated from their serious injuries and, quite possibly, with their permanent disabilities.

_With all due respect, Sir, I don't think you understand._

What was there to understand?

Sometimes he really hated scientists.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: There were overwhelming requests for me to continue this, and because there is a lot of potential for this story, I guess I will. I don't really like bashing Carter, so I probably won't focus on her but if I offend anyone it's your own fault for making me do this. And thanks to everyone who reviewed, they were insightful and inspiring.

-Bixata

* * *

Sam could not believe what had happened. She had been so sure, there was no way she could have been wrong. Things like this didn't happen, not to her.

And yet, her two teammates in the infirmary fighting for their lives said otherwise.

Risk-taking was a part of the job. Every time they stepped through the 'Gate was just another calculated risk, it was only a matter of time before their luck ran out. But this made no sense at all.

How could she have been so wrong? Her idea was scientifically sound, there wasn't a single flaw, it was perfect. She had calculated the risk, and it was practically zero. The colonel must have done something wrong. Maybe she should have accounted for human error. Yes, that was the only explanation. It made perfect sense.

Oh God, the Colonel. And Daniel.

It shouldn't have happened. If they had followed Daniel's suggestion nothing would have happened, her teammates would be safe. But the Colonel had trusted her, had given her the benefit of the doubt because, let's face it, he didn't really have a clue what she was talking about. But he put his faith in her, not her science, just her. And look what he got for it.

How could they ever trust her now? How could they forgive her?

--

Daniel listened to Jack's breathing to pass the time. There was really nothing else to do. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.

Jack was sounding better now. When they first awoke the first thing he heard was Jack's stuttered gasping through the respirator, but now it sounded just a little more clear which was of great comfort to the archaeologist.

He was too focused on Jack's condition to worry about his own. They'd been in isolation for a few days now, he wasn't sure of the specifics because time seemed a little irrelevant at the moment. There wasn't anything for him to do but contemplate the darkness behind the bandages over his eyes and to think. And listen to Jack's breathing.

Janet came by frequently, as well as the nurses to treat his and Jack's wounds and check their vitals. They didn't have many visitors. Teal'c had dropped by a few times and stayed as long as Janet allowed, which had been a few hours. Neither he nor Jack could respond yet, and the Jaffa wasn't exactly known for being verbose. But he appreciated the gesture and he was sure Jack enjoyed Teal'c's stories from the tabloids and the results of various hockey games.

They hadn't heard from Sam yet, though he had a suspicion that she had been there sometime during the night without making her presence known. He was concerned how she was taking the events of their last mission. He knew she would be blaming herself, just like he knew Jack had already accepted full responsibility for the disastrous results. Still, Daniel couldn't blame the man. Couldn't really blame Sam, either. To quote Sam, it had been a calculated risk.

Sometimes he really hated calculated risks. They should have gone with Jack's gut. His sixth sense hardly ever failed them. But Sam had been so sure. It was no wonder that Jack had trusted her.

He was too tired and too loopy from the drugs Janet was shoving through his arm to think about it anymore. He couldn't really think at all. The only thing he could really comprehend was Jack's breathing from the other bed.

He had been awake earlier, feigning sleep, when Janet was talking to General Hammond about Jack's condition. Jack had taken the brunt of the explosion, standing between the point of detonation and Daniel, and was much worse off. As he listened to Janet talk about Jack's chances in a soft, technical tone, he would have cried if he could. As it was, the intense emotion caused his throat to constrict and suddenly he couldn't breathe.

_It's unlikely he'll ever be fit for field duty again. The damage to his lungs was too extensive. As for his sight…I don't see even a desk job in his future, sir. _

He never did hear the rest of Janet's description of Jack's chances before she gave him something through the needle already feeding him drugs around the clock, and he was promptly unconscious.

He had awakened sometime later with an intense pain in his throat, and would have fought a Goa'uld single-handedly for a sip of cool water, or even just a couple ice chips. He felt like he was dying here, and he probably was, but he could still hear Jack's breathing, though there was something different about it now.

And suddenly he knew that Jack had heard everything, too.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Teal'c sat between the beds of his two teammates, his quiet presence the only constant in their lives for the moment. The entire situation was a mess of indecision and contradictions. He had committed himself to SG-1 and his teammates, but now there seemed to be a great chasm in the team which he was having difficulty mending. O'Neill and Daniel Jackson lay here physically helpless, in agony, and as he had sworn not long ago to O'Neill, undomesticated equines could not remove him from his side while he was in pain. However, Captain Carter was also in pain of a sort, the emotional and psychological kind, and he felt it was his responsibility to help her in O'Neill's stead.

Yet, he could not leave O'Neill's side. Although he cared deeply for Captain Carter, and considered her a friend as well as a teammate, he had pledged his service to O'Neill. And only O'Neill. Therefore, it was his obligation first to facilitate O'Neill's recovery. When Captain Carter was ready to accept his help, she would have to come to him.

But first, she would have to learn the error of her ways. In his eyes, she had failed to protect her teammates, and though he was still trying to find the propensity for forgiveness in his heart, he had not yet reached that point. He still could not forgive himself for the atrocities he had committed as First Prime of Apophis, yet O'Neill had trusted him without reservation. He had little doubt that O'Neill would do so again with Captain Carter, so the best way to bring SG-1 back together was for O'Neill and Daniel Jackson to recover and tell Captain Carter that she was forgiven for her part in the tragedy.

He doubted it would be that easy, but a free Jaffa can hope.

--

General Hammond looked down through the observation room window at the still forms of the two men solely responsible for the inception of the Stargate Program, feeling the great weight of command on his shoulders. One-half of his premier team was out of action, and the other half couldn't function as a result. Teal'c outright refused to serve under anybody's command but O'Neill's, and Captain Carter…well, she wasn't handling this well at all.

All he really knew about the disastrous mission was that SG-1 had found some kind of alien technology, as they had a dozen times before, and had debated what it was and whether or not it was safe to bring back to Earth for study. According to Teal'c, Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson had felt it was dangerous, but couldn't really explain why, as there were no markings for Dr. Jackson to try to translate and any evidence of the people who had lived there before had been lost and destroyed over time. Captain Carter had apparently played the scientist card and convinced O'Neill that it would be safe. As the commanding officer, it was ultimately O'Neill's decision but he doubted that did anything to relieve Carter's guilt.

Ever since the incident with the orb that had pinned Colonel O'Neill to the Gate Room wall with a spear through his chest, Dr. Jackson had been unusually tentative in his approach to alien artifacts. Captain Carter, however, hadn't backed down as she was developing quite a track record for pulling the SGC out of the fire at the last possible moment. She frequently cited the mandate of the SGC to procure weapons and technology capable of defending Earth, and she was a firm believer that in order to achieve great things, some sacrifices had to be made.

Although the nature of his position forced him to agree with her, Hammond much preferred the Colonel's philosophy: take what you can get but don't burn any bridges and always bring everybody home.

At least everybody had made it home. He would just have to wait and allow the men to heal, and the team along with it, even though SG-1 would likely have to be disbanded with its commanding officer unlikely to return to field duty.

He hoped Dr. Fraiser was wrong in her diagnosis of the Colonel's chances of recovery. Colonel O'Neill was one of the finest field officers he'd ever worked with, and was one of the greatest assets to this command. Aside from that, he was probably the only officer that could have brought three people with such different backgrounds together to form such a strong, cohesive and successful unit. Teal'c and Jackson never would have been accepted in a field unit by any other officer, he was sure of that. Colonel O'Neill was the only man capable of handling his 'kids,' as he often affectionately called them, and the list of successes of SG-1 was all the evidence needed to prove their value to the Program.

In addition to that, they brought humanity and courage that was beginning to shape the mandate of the SGC. O'Neill wasn't afraid to step up and take a hit for the team, and he didn't back down from anyone, either the enemy on the other side of the Stargate or the enemy in Washington. This place needed a man like Jack O'Neill to stand up for it, and no matter what happened to the Colonel from now on, Hammond would make sure O'Neill had a place here at the SGC.

Now all he had to do was make sure the Colonel's team stuck together.

He wondered if he should try to contact Jacob Carter, concerning Captain Carter's mental state. Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter had been due in Washington next week to receive the Air Medal, and he had already informed Jacob of his daughter's achievement. At the moment, Sam Carter needed her family to help her through this, since the Colonel wasn't well enough to deal with the psychological backlash of the failed mission, and the only family Sam really had in Colorado Springs was SG-1. He needed her on top of her game if she hoped to continue with her career in the Air Force and with the Stargate Program, and personally, he was concerned for her well-being as well. She was the daughter of one of his best friends, and aside from that, he cared about all the people under his command.

But how would Jacob react if he found out what exactly it was his daughter was doing with the Air Force, and what it had cost her?

--

Jack felt the chill of the concrete beneath him seeping into his bones and weary muscles. His body shivered in withdrawal and the darkness from the blindfold seemed to wrap around him until there was nothing but him. He wondered, as he often did, if this was what if felt like to be in space.

Helpless. Dark. Cold. Nothingness.

His musings were interrupted by the hand on his leg, and he braced himself for another beating, burying his soul deep where he could protect it from those who would steal it from him. The pain was worse than ever before but he ignored it. He would do what he had to do in order to get back to his family. To get back to his son. He had a reason to live, and that thought alone gave him the courage and the strength to fight for his life.

No matter how hard they tried to break him, he had his family waiting for him back home, so he would never give up.

He never heard Dr. Fraiser's voice calling out to him, telling him everything was going to be okay.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Daniel's throat had finally sufficiently healed for him to eat real food and try talking, but now that he could actually speak he found he really didn't know what to say. He managed to give Hammond the short version of what happened from his point of view, and he had answered all of Janet's questions about how he was feeling. Now, for the first time all day, he had been left alone with only Jack for company.

He found himself speaking to Jack, so the older man would hear his voice and maybe take comfort in it, although he knew under different circumstances he would be boring his friend to tears with his persistent chatter. He didn't know what was going through Jack's head, but he knew this couldn't be easy for the Colonel. Occasionally he heard muffled groans and what he could only define as whimpers from the bed beside him, and he would have given his right arm to take away Jack's pain.

"It's going to be okay, Jack. It'll get better." His words sounded hollow even to his own ears, and his throat hurt when he spoke too much. "We're here for you, Jack."

Despite Janet's discouraging diagnosis for Jack's condition days before, she was doing everything humanly possible to prove herself wrong, bringing in hoards of specialists to treat his and Jack's injuries and spending every minute of her waking hours reading every written word on similar cases and successful treatments. He only became aware of this when he heard her arguing with General Hammond through the closed doors of her office and the General actually ordered her to get some rest.

When she came to check up on him an hour later his single word argument finally convinced her to go home and rest for a few hours: "Cassie."

Cassandra, the young girl from Hanka SG-1 had rescued less than a year ago had been adopted by Janet when it was clear that Sam could not provide her with the home she needed. Cassie and Sam had quickly formed a special bond, and he knew it broke Sam's heart that she couldn't be a real mother for the young girl and still remain with SG-1.

Jack had also become quite attached to Cassie, though Daniel knew it was hard for him to let her get too close. Jack absolutely adored children, and was a great father-figure for Cassie, but the loss of his son Charlie was still too fresh in his mind to really feel free to be a father again. All the same, it was Jack that Cassie ran to whenever there was a problem, as she had done when she discovered that Sam had been taken over by the Tok'ra Jolinar.

Since her experience with the Tok'ra symbiote Sam had been…different. Not so much in her passion for science or her commitment to the Air Force and in no way had he ever felt that she had been adversely compromised by the situation, she was just different. She had been depressed for a long time after Jolinar's death, and when she finally snapped out of it she became a little more withdrawn from others. He noticed that whereas before the incident she had often been cocky and confident, now she was distinctly more arrogant and a little condescending.

If the Tok'ra had been fighting the Goa'uld for hundreds of years, he could understand how the arrogance and desperation of the symbiote could have been passed on to Sam, and all-in-all, he thought she was doing an admirable job of coming to terms with what had happened. She had certainly been understanding when he had been forced to watch the death of his parents over and over again when the Game Keeper on P7J-989 trapped SG-1 in order to entertain his people with his and Jack's memories. And she had eventually convinced Jack that the sarcophagus on P3R-636 was evil and addictive and was causing Daniel to risk their lives while he was treated like royalty.

But it was Jack who actually sat down with him and let him talk through the pain of losing his parents, who held him as he cried and screamed through the withdrawal, and told him everything was going to be okay. He wasn't sure where Sam had been through all of it, but he didn't doubt she had spent most of her time in her lab while he recovered. That was how she handled her emotions, through work, and he could understand that.

He had never once felt threatened by Sam, but now, he wasn't so sure. He didn't want to say anything because that would put Sam's career and life at risk and he knew she was still a good person and would give her life to save Earth or her teammates. And her attitude change may not have had anything to do with Jolinar anyway, maybe it was just the real Sam deciding she'd finally had enough.

Whatever it was, he had a feeling she would be at war with herself now. The whole 'what if' scenario, a game he had mastered ever since Sha're had been taken. Jack had done his best to try to ease Daniel's conscience, reminding him that it was the Goa'uld who were responsible, and that what they were doing on SG-1 would save others from Sha're's fate. And they were still looking for her, he was only on SG-1 to search for his wife, and he would continue to search to the ends of the galaxy for her. He was absolutely sure that he would find her-

No, he wasn't. Not without Jack. Jack had promised, he had sworn that he would do everything in his power to find Sha're. That wasn't in Jack's power anymore, and Daniel knew there was no one else who could give what Jack was willing to give to reunite Daniel with his wife. He would never get Sha're back now.

When it came to Sha're, he found that he had no trouble hating Sam and what she had done. It was illogical and hypocritical, but there it was.

He needed Jack to tell him everything was going to be okay.

"Everything's going to be okay, Jack."

--

When Jack was awake, when he was lucid enough to circumvent the pain and the gallons of painkillers and sedatives that were being pumped into him, he focused on Daniel's voice. He couldn't always understand what his friend was saying, but he could hear the pain and desperation, the lost hope, and he wanted so badly to fix it, to make things better. When he listened to Daniel, he could forget about his own problems, he could forget the horrors of his past, the nightmares that threatened to take him under, to hold him down and never let go. Daniel's voice was his lifeline, and he grabbed on for all he was worth.

Because when the nightmares came, he could only beg for death.

He wanted to live, to fulfill his promise to Daniel and Teal'c, and to be the kind of man his son would be proud of, would respect and admire and love. He needed to live for Charlie, to honor his son's memory and keep it alive.

So he listened for Daniel's voice and thought, maybe, there were still some things he could do to make things better. There were still some things to fight for.

And that made the nightmares just a little more bearable.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Jack and Daniel were both feeling a little apprehensive today. Janet was going to remove the bandages over their eyes in just a few minutes, and they would finally know whether they had lost their sight or not. Daniel wasn't too optimistic about his own vision, since it hadn't been all that great to begin with, but Jack, who was now able to speak for a short amount of time, had told him something about bats needing a little help from their big mouths so Daniel should be fine.

Daniel had smiled for the first time since the accident, so he decided to accept Jack's words as encouragement rather than insult, which he was reasonably sure was the intended purpose.

Another reason Daniel was feeling anxious was that it was only days from the one Abydos-year mark of Sha're's abduction. He had promised Kasuf, Sha're's father, that he would return to Abydos in exactly one of their years, at which time Kasuf should unbury the Stargate for his return. Now the time was near and he was no closer to rescuing Sha're and it looked like he never would. He wasn't even allowed to get out of bed, how could he ever rescue his wife? He couldn't even go to Abydos in person to tell Kasuf that his daughter had become host to an evil demon.

He was overwhelmed and grateful when Lou Ferretti and SG-2 agreed to go to Abydos and speak to Kasuf on his behalf. Teal'c had also promised to accompany them, and although Daniel was upset that he wouldn't be able to go home, it was some small comfort that Teal'c would be able to explain things to Kasuf. He couldn't bear to think about the pain in the old man's eyes if he were to return without Sha're and Ska'ara, but he knew he would have done so, if only to pledge that he would never give up on Sha're.

"Dr. Jackson, I'm going to remove your bandages first. The burns were pretty bad, so if you feel any pain at all, let me know right away, okay?"

"Okay. Let's do this then."

"Daniel," Jack's soft, raspy voice called out to him from across the room.

"Yeah, Jack?"

"Whatever happens, the SGC still needs you. You're our conscience, kid, and God knows you're about the smartest guy on the planet. We'll work it out. You can still…" he had to stop when he broke into a painful coughing fit, and the nurses surrounded him, helping him to calm down and easing his struggles.

"Jack, don't overdo it. I'm not leaving, not yet. I'm not going to give up on Sha're, no matter what. The same goes for you too, you know. I still need you to help me get Sha're back, so don't you give up either."

"Promise," Jack managed to gasp out, oblivious to the glares he was getting from the nurses and Janet for aggravating his condition.

"I'm ready, Dr. Fraiser."

--

Two hours later Daniel peered over at the bed beside him, blinking his eyes rapidly to bring his gaze into focus. Jack didn't look quite as bad as he had imagined, though the healing burns on his face and neck weren't exactly pleasant-looking. "Jack?"

There was a long pause before Jack's quiet voice replied "Yeah?"

"You gonna be okay?"

Jack shifted his left arm slightly, and his mouth curved up into a trace of a smile. "I'll be seeing you around, Dr. Jackson."

Daniel grinned as he laid his head back down on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling as he remembered the first time Jack had said those words to him. He hadn't really believed them then, either, but it was the spirit of the delivery that counted. "You are one resilient son of a bitch, you know that?"

"Yeah, well. I learned a thing or two from Sara."

Daniel frowned thoughtfully. "Oh?" When Jack didn't elaborate, Daniel ventured a guess. "It must have been tough on her with you gone on missions, not knowing when or if you were coming back."

Jack remained silent and for a moment Daniel thought he had fallen asleep. But then the arm moved again, as though trying to find a comfortable position, and he could just make out Jack's whispered words, "That too."

Daniel frowned again, trying to make out the mystery that was Jack O'Neill. Jack had opened up to him back on Abydos, revealed his weakness and his strength when he admitted why he was an emotional wreck, how he was devastated by his son's death. Was Jack trying to tell him something now? What did Sara have to do with any of this? It hit him suddenly, and the realization nearly took his breath away. "You've been through something like this before, haven't you? Sara helped you get through it."

He knew that if he could, Jack would have rolled over onto his shoulder with his back to Daniel, but the burns made that impossible. Instead, Jack just turned his head slightly away.

"Jack? What happened? What is it?"

"I don't like the bandages," Jack said, his voice barely audible across the distance but Daniel noted the distinct lack of emotion, the same tone he had heard on Abydos. "Blindfolded. Hands touching me, hurting me, asking questions, and I couldn't see a damn thing." He lifted his bandaged right hand and brought it up in front of his face. "The dark's okay, blindness not a major issue, it's just…I don't like the blindfold."

Daniel swallowed hard, ignoring the pain it caused in his throat. "On Hadante you said you'd been in prison. I didn't think you meant…I didn't know."

He could almost imagine Jack shrugging off the comment. "Not somethin' I talk 'bout," he said, his words slurring. "An' this hardly compares wi' some o' the crap I lived through." Daniel couldn't help but imagine what else Jack might have had to survive in his service to his country. "Gonna be okay," the veteran officer said reassuringly, nodding his head slightly.

"Yes, we're going to be fine. We'll help each other out, Jack, I won't let you down. No more blindfolds, I promise."

"Thanks," Jack mumbled, and Daniel realized that Jack had fallen back asleep.

He tried not to think about how life had been so unfair to Jack. While Daniel had retained all of his sight, Jack was now legally blind. He could tell when a light was on, and he could see movement, but that was it. There was a chance he might regain some of his vision, but even with all the fancy new treatments available it was doubtful he would ever fully recover his sight.

Unless the SGC found some advanced alien technology, Jack's field duty days were over. And unless Daniel could learn to trust another team and its leadership, so were Daniel's.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Spoilers: (209) Secrets (some of the dialogue comes directly from the episode)

--

Sam glanced down at the military personnel in the banquet hall, wishing this day was already over. She shouldn't have to be here alone, it didn't mean anything without Colonel O'Neill. If it hadn't been for him and Daniel she never would have been receiving the Air Medal. And considering what those two were going through, maybe she didn't deserve it at all. But the President had insisted she and General Hammond attend, and publicly accept the award on Colonel O'Neill's behalf as well.

As she swept her gaze across the room, she recognized General Hammond, speaking animatedly with another man, whose balding, grey hair reminded her of…

"Dad?"

"Hello, Sammie." Her father, Major General Jacob Carter greeted her, pulling her into a hug.

"I invited Jake myself, Captain. I thought you might enjoy the surprise." General Hammond explained.

"Really, sir, that's sweet," she replied, though it was obviously forced.

"George and I served together back when the Air Force really was this country's first line of defense," Jacob told her smugly.

"It still is," she countered, knowing just what the Air Force was protecting this country from and not in the mood to argue about it with her father.

"Of course it is. I was talking about when the Cold War was still…uh anyway. When George told me you were up for the Air Medal for your work in…what the hell was that again?" he asked Hammond.

"Analysis of deep space radar telemetry," Sam responded automatically.

He nodded his head, disbelief clear on his face. "Right. So what exactly happened to your CO, this Colonel Jack O'Neill, that he couldn't attend? Spent too long staring at the sun, maybe?"

"Jacob." Hammond shook his head warningly, but it was too late. Sam looked down at the floor, unable to keep her anger and pain hidden from her face.

Jacob looked at Hammond, then at his daughter, then back to Hammond and whatever his agenda had been before he arrived, it was gone now. "What happened?"

"There was an accident," General Hammond sighed heavily as he began to explain. "He and another member of the team were caught in an explosion. Colonel O'Neill had some internal injuries and a punctured lung, made worse by smoke inhalation. There was also some damage to the optic nerve, for the moment he can't see much at all. He's still in the infirmary."

"Holy Hannah. How did this happen?"

Sam gritted her teeth. "I told them it would be safe. They trusted me, and I screwed up. It was my fault."

"Captain." General Hammond said sternly, hoping to break that train of thought.

"If you'll excuse me, I'd like to get some air, sir," she stated calmly, but didn't wait for a dismissal before turning around and walking out of the room.

Jacob watched her leave, his guarded expression slipping when he imagined the pain she was in. "It wasn't really her fault, was it?" he asked Hammond.

Hammond didn't respond immediately. "Colonel O'Neill was her commanding officer. Ultimately, it was his decision, and he has already accepted full responsibility."

"That doesn't really answer my question, does it?"

"Does it really matter?"

Jacob fixed his gaze on Hammond's. "I need to know she's going to be okay. Please, George. I need to know what to say to her."

Hammond looked over at the doorway through which Captain Carter had just disappeared. "Tell her you love her, Jake. The rest, she needs to figure out on her own."

Jacob frowned, but couldn't argue with the good advice.

--

Jack listened anxiously to what he knew was just the calm before the storm. He knew that what he was going to have to do would be painful and exhausting, and not just physically, but it was something only he could do. He was the only one left that could handle the backlash of SG-2's mission to Abydos.

Daniel had been quiet for the last two hours. He had listened calmly to Ferretti and Teal'c as they debriefed him on what went down on the planet, but Jack could sense the utter defeat and misery emanating from his friend. Neither Lou nor Teal'c was particularly happy with the events that had transpired, but they couldn't conceal the truth from Daniel. Now that they were alone Daniel could no longer keep his anger and grief internal. Jack was there to help him through it, as Daniel had been there to remind him how to live after Charlie died.

"Daniel!"

As Daniel tore the IV from his arm and viciously yanked and pulled at the bandages covering his healing flesh, Jack hurriedly pulled out his own monitors and needles and was at Daniel's bedside in less than five seconds, wrapping his arms around Daniel's shoulders to still his movements. As Daniel sobbed against his chest, holding him so tightly as though he might never let go, Jack stroked Daniel's hair awkwardly, whispering nonsense words of comfort. "Let it out, Danny. I've got you. I've got you. I'm here, we're not going to give up on her, Daniel. We'll get through this. It's gonna be okay, Daniel."

"What did he do to her, Jack? She was just a step away, we could have saved her, she was right there and I'm…I failed her, again. Oh God, she must think I hate her, Jack. How could I let this happen to her?"

"It wasn't your fault, Daniel."

"I should have been there. I promised Kasuf. She was right there, we could have got her back. But now she'll be stuck in that Hell forever and that bastard Apophis…He raped her, Jack. Oh God, he…"

"Her child is safe, Daniel. Sha're would have wanted that. Her son is alive, and Kasuf and the others will take care of him."

"But Sha're is still possessed by that beast! I love her, Jack. I love her so much, I just want her back, she's suffered enough for my damn curiosity. If this hadn't happened to us we might have saved her."

"Or you could have been killed. Or the child could have been taken by that Goold Hair of Fur guy. You can't play this 'what if' game, Daniel. Believe me, it'll get you nowhere."

As Jack tried to comfort Daniel, he became increasingly aware of the pain in his arms, the bandages rubbing over his burnt and healing flesh, and the ache in his broken ribs. Every breath he took felt like he was swallowing knives, and he knew that the only thing keeping him on his feet was willpower alone. Daniel needed him now, as he had needed him months ago when he was suffering withdrawal from the sarcophagus. Daniel was so far gone in his grief that he didn't notice Jack's struggle just to breathe.

"We'll get through this, Daniel." Jack wished he could see Daniel's face clearly, to know what the other man was thinking, but he could only judge his friend's emotional state from the tense muscles, the sniffling nose, the struggled breaths.

"It hurts, Jack."

Jack immediately pulled back, thinking Daniel meant he was hurting him physically, but Daniel grabbed his arm, causing Jack to hiss in pain but remain close.

"That's not what I meant, Jack. Oh God, I hurt you, didn't I? Why didn't you say anything? What are you doing out of bed, you shouldn't be moving."

"Daniel, I'm not leaving until I know you're going to be okay."

"Then you're going to be here for a very long time, I think," Daniel said bitterly.

"So be it."

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Finally! I know it's been forever since I updated this, but I just wasn't feeling inspired and everything I tried was offbeat from what I'd written in previous chapters. I think I've finally got it. Thanks to everyone who is sticking with me, and if you really want more, reviews will certainly give me the incentive.

-Bixata

* * *

Jack was whistling. His lips had healed relatively quickly and he had discovered that whistling was a lot easier on his throat than humming. Why he felt the compulsion to produce any kind of musical sounds, as horrid as they might be, was completely beyond his comprehension but it sure beat having to listen to the nothingness of a vacant isolation room.

Daniel had done a lot more damage to himself than either of them had suspected when he'd had his breakdown over what had happened to Sha're. Janet had rushed in and immediately began fussing over both men, ordering Jack back to his own bed even as she assessed the damage to Daniel's body. As Jack had been too focused on his own misery to understand what Dr. Fraiser was saying he had been surprised to find that he was completely alone when he finally regained control of his senses.

So he was whistling, something bright and cheery, to keep the pain away, to keep his mind occupied from the fear of losing Daniel.

That wasn't entirely true. It wasn't just the fear of losing his friend, it was the fear of not having his friend there to help him through this. He needed to hear Daniel's breathing to remember that he was alive, and have Daniel talk about annoying things he knew Jack would never care about just so Jack could have a reason to gripe at him, which would conveniently distract his mind from the pain.

The tune changed, taking on an edge of desperation, until he suddenly stopped. He was on the verge of panic, and Colonel Jack O'Neill did not panic. Ever.

It was too quiet. He couldn't see, and he couldn't hear. He couldn't touch. Taste and smell seemed to be hotwired to the memory of burning flesh. Maybe, if he could just find the end of that bandage on his left arm, and if he yanked it hard enough, someone would come and take him to Daniel and he wouldn't be alone in the dark anymore. Daniel needed him.

Finally, as he was mentally talking himself out of self-mutilation because of the psychological treatment he would have to undergo and that was so not something he wanted, he heard the door open. "Daniel?" he asked, hoping either to hear Daniel's reassuring voice or one of the nurses telling him what was going on.

It felt like an eternity before he got an answer. "It is I, O'Neill."

"T. Buddy." He didn't like the feeling of the hard 'c' sound in the back of his throat, but Teal'c didn't seem to be offended by the impromptu nickname. "How's Daniel?"

"Dr. Fraiser says he will be fine though he delayed his recovery by removing the bandages. He did not seem overly upset by this pronouncement."

"Are they going to bring him back here?"

"Within the hour."

He felt an unreasonable sense of peace come over him at that news. He felt bad for not feeling bad that Daniel would be suffering longer. "The General back yet?" he asked to divert attention away from his gladness that Daniel would be back.

"He is not. He will be returning to the base tomorrow morning."

"Oh. I lost track of time."

"Is there anything you require, O'Neill?"

"You know how to whistle, T?"

"I do not."

"Daniel will teach you. You just put your lips together and…blow."

God, he loved the Classics.

-----

Jacob watched his daughter carefully after the ceremony. This should have been one of the proudest moments of her life, and instead she looked weighed down by guilt and remorse. She looked downright miserable when she was given Colonel O'Neill's medal after she received her own. Not many other people had noticed but he knew his daughter too well.

He couldn't tell her about the strings he had pulled to get her into NASA. If he told her now there was a chance she would jump at the chance in order to escape the consequences of what had happened at her current posting, and that would only hurt her in the long run. You can't go running from your mistakes, eventually they will catch up with you. On the other hand, she might just jump down his throat at his meddling tendencies. He only wanted the best for her, and sometimes she interpreted that as him trying to control her life and career. Which, admittedly, was sometimes true.

He didn't have long left. The cancer was leaving him weaker each day, reminding him of his own mortality. He wanted the reassurance that his family would be taken care of when he was gone, not that they had ever really needed him when he was alive. Mark still refused his calls and he was too tired to pick at the old wounds. Mark had a good life and he had a family of his own.

But Sam didn't have anyone, not that he knew of anyway. When George had called to tell him about this awards ceremony he had mentioned that Sam was very close to her teammates, that they were almost like a family. The accident must have torn that apart, just like the car accident that had taken her mother away had torn their family apart.

Should he pile the news about his cancer on top of everything else?

He didn't know what to do, and he hated that. He took a deep breath and approached his only daughter. "Hey, Sam."

"Dad."

"We need to talk. Do you have a minute?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"It's personal, Sam. Please. I need to know you're okay."

"I'll be fine. I can take of myself."

"That's what I'm afraid of. You don't have to go through this alone. George said your team was like a family, I'm sure they understand."

"What do you know about it? Have you spoken to Mark recently? Maybe, sometime in the past, oh I don't know, ten years?"

Okay, now he was beginning to lose his temper. "Colonel O'Neill is your CO. Maybe you've forgotten how things work in the Air Force, Sam, but in my experience, when the commanding officer takes full responsibility, he means it. You're not only hurting yourself with this blame and self-pity thing you've got going, you're hurting your team as well. Have you talked to them? Have they blamed you for anything? Are you helping them through their recovery, or did you abandon them to deal with their fractured team alone? I know what it's like Sam. When your mother died…I handled that badly. I couldn't do anything right, and I'm sorry I couldn't forgive myself enough to keep our family together. You're better than me, Sam. Don't let this ruin you."

He couldn't tell if she was hurt by his words or comforted by them. She wouldn't cry, he knew she would play it tough until she was alone, and maybe even then. He may have made things worse, given her something else to feel guilty about, but that's what father's were for, wasn't it? And for something else.

"I love you, Sam. I just want you to be happy."

TBC


End file.
